Maybe it's because Annie got sick yet again and gave us a really good scare sleeping upwards of 20 hours a day. Maybe it's because durring this time yet another rett angel slipped away unexpectedly in her sleep (one angel has been called home every week this year and most are unexpectedly while they are sleeping). Maybe it's because Annie's still screaming with stomach pain most days (we had a breif honeymoon after taking her off of the prevacid but the pain is back). Maybe it's because we are at a point now where there is almost nothing left to try and I wonder if Annie will ever be able to live a life free from pain. Maybe it's because we are starting to talk home and car modifications both of which we are unable to pay for, both of which I never dreamed of ever having to do. Maybe it's because exercise and staying strong is not something I want to do anymore but something that is necessary for me to be able to phyisically continue taking care of my growing child. Maybe it's because my blood pressure is rising and my back is failing and my Annie is only 5 years old. Maybe it's because when this all started I always believed there would be a cure before Annie turned 5 (don't ask me why, I think it was my minds way of accepting the diagnosis, believing that it wasn't a life sentence but that we would be cured before Annie got too old). Maybe it's because just as Annie's virus is lifting she is now being hit with seasonal allergies and I feel like her tiny, tired body just can't take much more of this. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Whatever the reason it doesn't really matter. What matters is that I have 3 beautiful little people that God has given to me to care for. They need me everyday and I don't have time to wallow in my missery, throw a pitty party and hide my myself in the covers with the curtains drawn like I want to. Soooo, I am getting back onto my feet and grabing that strong hand that has been reaching down here since the second I feel into this pit and I'm going to be lifted out of it. It's not easy but I know that it will be worth it. After all, just look at these faces!
Saying prayers for all the young special needs mom's like me that are realizing this same thing and to all the special needs moms that have gone before us and have shown us that we will make it through.