Scott and Bridget met in 1993 and were married in 2001. In September of 2003 we welcomed our first miracle, James. 16 months later we brought home our second miracle, Annie. And in October of 2006 our family was complete with miracle #3, Gracie. Rett syndrome entered our lives when Annie was diagnosed on May 19, 2006. This is the life of the MacDonald family as we juggle 3 small children and battle Rett Syndrome until Gods perfect time when we are cured.

Friday, December 30, 2011

Why Me? Why Not?

It's funny, we started out this journey wondering "why me?", "why us?", "why sweet Annie?" - she was so perfect, so complete - our first baby girl, a little sister, a boy and a girl just a year apart, WOW, were we blessed........ and yet, we didn't quite know it.

Almost 7 years ago when Annie was born we should have thought "why us?" - "Why did you bless us so abundantly Lord?".  Nope, those words were never spoken.  Yes, of course we were thrilled, of course we thanked God for our little family, but we sort of expected kids who could walk and talk.  We thought for sure we would have kids who would have melt downs or who may not have the best of manners, maybe even kids with allergies or other inconveniences, but it never crossed our minds that maybe we would have kids with seizures or g-tubes or orthotics or life threatening conditions.  We never thought that we would need to thank God that our child was breathing - after she turned blue and was raced to the ER over and over  again.  We never thought we would have to thank God that there was a medicine that could stop our daughter from hyperventilating because she was passing out so much from lack of oxygen and dehydration.  Never did we think that we would have to praise God each and every morning just because He graced us with another day with our sweet daughter.  When holding our little newborn angel we just thanked God that He had "delivered" - He gave us exactly what we wanted and expected - a healthy baby girl.  We never questioned it, we just thanked Him.

Boy were we nieve.  The sicknesses came, the development became delayed, the testing started and we became desperate.  We started begging and pleading with God - please, let this be an easy fix.  Please let this be a season, not a lifetime.  Please God let there be medicine that can help her.  We want, want, want, and expect, expect, expect.  What happens when we don't get what we expect to have?  When what we pray and plead for is something that is so natural and easy and expected for everyone else that its taken for granted?

We never ask "why me?" when good things happen but we are so quick to ask "why me" when bad things come into our life.  Why?  Are we so selfish that we think we deserve everything to be handed to us?  Do we honestly think that we are so divine that bad things can't touch us?  I don't know why God chooses certain people to give a "wake up" call to.  I don't know why He chose me, my family, my Annie, but I do know that I have been given an amazing gift.  A gift that I will always be thankful for, a gift that I will NEVER take for granted.  I have a child who is unable to do 1 single thing for herself, a child that is so helpless that every single aspect of her daily living has to be conducted for her.  So many things that are typically taken for granted I now praise God for.

I try not to ask the dark "why me" question but when days get rough I admit, I do go there.  The majority of my days, however, are spent asking God "why me?  Why did you bless me so abundantly" and you better believe I praise God every single morning my children wake just because they are breathing and thriving.

Job 2:10  "What?  Shall we recieve good at the hand of God, and shall we not recieve evil?"

It is in this same "why me Lord" attitude that we read the following research.

I honestly cannot believe that God has blessed us with such amazing research and has brought us so close to a cure for our Annie.  I know that she may not be cured in this lifetime, that only God knows when, exactly, He will grace us with her ability to walk, talk, and voice her opinions, thoughts and her dreams but I do know that I will continue to ask God "why me?  Why us?  Why Rett Syndrome? Why have you decided to bring THIS disease so close to a cure?" and in a perfect time I will ask "Why did you choose to bless MY families life with such an amazing miraculous cure?".  Until then I will continue to praise Him for what I do have - and that is far too much.  Happy New Year friends!