Scott and Bridget met in 1993 and were married in 2001. In September of 2003 we welcomed our first miracle, James. 16 months later we brought home our second miracle, Annie. And in October of 2006 our family was complete with miracle #3, Gracie. Rett syndrome entered our lives when Annie was diagnosed on May 19, 2006. This is the life of the MacDonald family as we juggle 3 small children and battle Rett Syndrome until Gods perfect time when we are cured.

Monday, December 21, 2009


Well, I have been on quite a ride lately. Lets just say Christmas has brought not only great, fun, family times but also some very sad, angry and questioning emotions. Much of this time surrounds around Annie. She loves to be around people and fun times but gets overwhelmed when things get, well.... overwhelming. Who can blame her, at times I feel like I want to scream at the top of my lungs too. In fact Annie is much more reserved than her desperate mother would be in her position. Annie is the epitomy of love and grace, only crying out when the pain and frustration becomes too much to bear, not when it's just a nousance. I look to her for my sense of strength and endurance but as a mother it breaks me to my core when I see her cry. I just want to make everything Ok, to hide away with her, deep in a cave, never to come out until our cure is found. Unfortunatly I would miss James and Gracie much to much to let that ever happen. Not to mention the fact that I would be hiding an angel away, keeping her only to myself and that is definatly not what God has intended.

Lately I've been feeling so torn. I want so badly to participate in fun, Christmas activities, parties and good times with friends and I want the kids to really enjoy this time, but then I hear the cries and see the tears and all I want is to shut the doors, turn off the phones and stay warm in the house with my amazing husband and children, where its safe. I guess much of this stems from the season, the gifts, the atmosphere, the get togethers. Its so easy to go through life on automatic pilot each and every day. Tweeking things here and there and slowly making adjustments for the little things that come along. But then Birthdays, Holidays, Celebrations come up, you think you're fine and then "bam"! It hits! You are sooooo NOT normal. Suddenly the routine is shaken and you are out of your comfort zone. Suddenly there are questions like "what can I get her?" and "what is she able to do and understand"? Suddenly there are thoughts of all that is lost. Instead of dweling on what could be, my heart is directed to what has been taken away. Where's that cave?

I'm trying to put it all in perspective. I know soo many people go through this same thing, I am not alone. I know that we all have our crosses to bear. That God never promised a perfect life. I know that I need to dwell on the positives and that nothing can ever make me happy unless I'm content in my circumstances. I know all this but what is expected when you child screams unconsolably? Where is the contentment in watching a child on Christmas morning who is unable to run down the stairs to the Christmas tree or who is unable to peel back the Christmas wrapping on her presents that she's unable to ask for?

I don't have any answers, but I know the one thing that brings me a little peace. Knowing that this is a season and that this season of dealing with Rett Syndrome will eventually come to end, but more importantly that this time is part of a bigger plan. A plan that is bigger than me and my little family and little life. I find peace in knowing that there is a God that created the universe that created my Annie and He will work all things for good. That He has the last say and that He WILL restore health to her and heal her of her wounds. I will continue to hold on to the Hope that I have in the baby Jesus that came to save the world so many years ago and is still living today - who is still saving, restoring, loving and healing. Thank you God for sending your son. Thank you for this time of miracles and for the 3 amazing blessings that you allow me to wake up to each and every morning.

Happy Birthday Jesus!

Merry Christmas Everyone!


  1. I know the rollercoaster and I know you know you are not alone, but it can feel that way when those physically around you are not having to think so hard to plan their Christmas morning in order to make it fun for our girls. Nothing short of a cure can make it better, but stay day we will have a day.

  2. Bridget....I could have written this post word for word. It was like you were reading my mind, heart, and soul! Know that all of us Rett mommies are right there along with you! I will keep praying each day for a cure so that one day we will not have to worry about all of these things for our girls. Hugs to you today!

  3. Bridget, have you considered putting Annie on something for anxiety? Avery used to be much like that and now is much more able to cope.

  4. what an amazing post. Like Kelly, I could have written this too! I too want to hide my baby away and keep her in her comfort zone and me in mine. its easier that way! but i always say the hard things are the things worth doing. thank you for sharing what I think we all feel at one point or another. :)