Purpose? Purpose.

A few months ago at church we talked about and shared our 2 Word stories.  There were buttons and t-shirts and billboards that went up everywhere as a part of the movement called EACH - Everyone A Chance to Hear.  Our 2 word stories were meant to be shared in the hopes to inspire others to take the first step towards Jesus.  I had a lot of people ask me what my 2 word story was but hadn't been able to share because I couldn't think of how to narrow it down to just 2 words.  I've done a lot of thinking over the past couple of months and trying to determine the me before Jesus and the me now.  I'm different now but I couldn't really put my finger on exactly WHAT is different.  Until I thought back on my life:

Growing up I was pretty plain.  I grew up in a middle class family, nothing too exciting, went to school same as everyone else, played some sports and had some hobbies, I didn't have any real shinning talents but I was OK at things I did.  I didn't have a real group of friends that I hung out with, I had lots of friends in different circles but never really fit into one of those circles.  I went to college and had no idea what I wanted to do.  People told me to think of something that I was interested in - I always thought that exercising and nutrition were important but there was not a passion there - still that's what I majored in.  I always sort of felt that I was just going through life, not making a difference, not really putting my mark anywhere, just being.
I met my future husband when I was 15.  I think I knew the day that I met him that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.  I loved him more than anyone else in the world. And he LOVED me!  He loved me so much, I could feel it and his love gave me an identity.  That identity could only take me so far though.  We got married and life was good, but something was missing.  It wasn't long before we got pregnant!  YAY!  Oh was I elated when I first saw my sweet Jamesy and I couldn't have been more thrilled to stop working and care for him every single day.  I loved every minute of it but something was STILL missing.  I decided to start my own business, I gave lectures and did consulting on the side - freelance nutrition.  That didn't do it either.  Baby Annie came and I was beyond thrilled - to think a boy and girl just a little over a year apart from eachother - best friends!  What a wonderful life, you would have thought I was fullfilled, no, really, just busy, something was still missing.  Then the floor came out from underneath me, I was pregnant again and something was wrong with my daughter.  Wait, I'm searching for meaning and now I've been given all THIS to deal with?  How am I ever going to find my meaning, my purpose on this earth when I'm dealing with all this!?  Oh, wait, this is it.  In dealing with this new pregnancy and a brand new genetic and highly debilitating disease I was shattered.  I ran to church, I ran to God.  It was then that I finally came to know, offer up my life and begin a relationship with Jesus.  That relationship finally gave me a purpose.  I came to realize that I had been hand picked to live this life.  Hand picked to be this mans wife, hand picked to be the mother of these 3 precious beings and hand picked to walk the life of a special needs mommy.  WOW, completely humbled that God would consider me worthy to carry all of that.  It takes a Savior to give your life purpose and meaning.  It took me 29 years but I have finally found my purpose in life and for that I am eternally grateful.

Oh, and that floor that came out from underneath me, it has been replaced by a pair of very strong hands.